He walked into class the morning of February 12, 2008 unsure of what he was about to do. He was completely oblivious to the fact that his life was about to change forever. He looked at the back of his classmate’s head, took a long breath, and made a decision; a decision that would have an eternal affect on every witness there. He pulled a .22-calliber revolver from his backpack and shot him twice in the back of the head. He then decided to just walk away.
Brandon McInerney was only 14 years old when he shot and killed 15 year old Larry King at their Junior High school in Oxnard, California. He was said to be a troubled student with a view of life that established him as dominant and superior than most. King was also a troubled student, going from group home to group home, trying to discover his identity and exploring different stages of his sexuality. It was clear that the both had little in common. Their differences turned into hate, and their hate turned into violence.
It was a long and suspenseful trial that lasted 8 weeks. 8 long weeks that had many people holding their breaths. How was this minor going to be charged? What would the defendants come up with that could possibly justify this act of complete brutality? How can we stop this from happening again? What could their school, their parents, their guardians, or their peers have done to help prevent this? What could King have possible done to warrant an early death at the hands of a classmate?
McInerney’s attorney told a rather convincing tale that would lead to a mistrial in how to appropriately sentence a young murderer. He explained that McInerney acted out of fear and frustration. The months prior to the shooting, it was said that King had continuously tormented McInerney with sexual remarks and verbal abuses that left him traumatized and humiliated in front of his friends. What other solution was there for a teenager that felt he was being victimized by a gay boy wearing women’s clothing? The defendants found their niche and decided to run with it. The months following the investigation, King was portrayed as a bully determined to torment his classmates by his boisterous and daring behavior. Reading and watching the reports that would come out of every session and with student and teacher witnesses, they painted a picture that stated: King deserved his death.
As I sit here reading the latest in the trial, and after following closely for the past 2 months any and all news reports, I find myself asking the exact same thing. I mean, did King really deserve to die? Could his abusiveness have been that harsh that it can push another student to commit such an act? As an openly gay man in my mid-twenties, I had to analyze this situation and determine what I truly believed was an appropriate response to this event. I did not notice any gay youth being asked to testify, and I was left wondering what perspective was given during the past 8 weeks. Did anyone ask themselves why such behavior was conducted by King? Why did he feel a need to make sexual and flirtatious remarks to a known homophobe? Why did he find it appropriate to tease his classmates and bring discord and discomfort to the people around him?
I entered High School in June of 2000. Six short months later I had came out of the closet and established myself as a gay youth. In the years that followed my coming out, I had been through so much harassment and discrimination by my fellow classmates that I was just counting down the days until graduation. Many of my friends turned their backs on me and refused to speak to me. They were embarrassed to be seen with me and completely alienated me from their High School experience. Those first 2 years of school were probably the loneliest years of my life; I could be found having lunch by myself in the library or walking the hallways in search of a sympathetic smile. I felt that I had no one to turn to and the desolate feelings eventually led to a depression that took me on a journey filled with acts of social misconduct, truancy, drugs, theft, and other various bearings.
Despite my feelings of complete bleakness, I refused to allow such behavior to overtake me. I wanted to let others know that their homophobic remarks did nothing to my character. In fact, it only stimulated my desire to humiliate them as much as they humiliated me. I came on to them. To every single one of them. I would tease them, call them the same names they were calling me, and eventually embarrass them with a gesture that assured my attraction. This became my defense mechanism. While I agree that it was probably not the wisest of behaviors, who could I have turned to for advice? Who could have told me what was the best option for me? I acted the way I knew best.
Larry King was only 15. He had already ascertained his sexuality; the hardest step. The next step was to procure the approval of his peers and family members, and fight really hard for his sovereignty. Despite his apparent attraction to his slayer, he did what he knew best and definitely did not deserve the penalty of death. He acted out of pride and determination. He wanted to let everybody know that he loved himself and he dared anybody to tell him differently.
King reminds me so much of my young self. I was daring, I was proud, and I wanted to break social norms. But I was also very lonely. Gay youth, even today, have very few influences. Who can they turn to for advice? If we are lucky, we have two parents; a mom and a dad. Already, we are different from them. They could not possibly understand what it is like to have a different, rare, unacceptable sexuality. How can we expect gay youth to feel comfortable explaining to their parents their troubles? We have no choice but to keep our feelings from others and conduct our behavior in such manners as King and I did.
Brandon McInerney is a murderer. King’s actions towards him have no justification. His testimony on being troubled and bullied is a slap in the face to gay youth everywhere. What if the tables were turned? Gay youth face torment every day, yet I did not just spend the last two month following the trial of a straight bully killed by a gay victim.
Necessary steps need to be taken to ensure something like this does not happen again. What can we say for ourselves when we have allowed 2 young people to throw their lives away over a difference in characters? I believe that understanding human behavior in all its aspects is essential in determining how best to tread on students like King and McInerney. Human sexuality is complex and ambiguous. I refuse to believe that we can determine one’s worth based on set attractions. When we limit ourselves to one belief system, we allow room for fear and hate. Hate is a real killer.
The trial was a disappointment. One felt by gay activist all over the world. I found myself troubled by the news report and had to wonder how close I was to being the slain student. I am thankful that I survived those years of loneliness and confusion with my head held high and a clear understanding of human behavior. I left high school determined to be the best gay I knew how to be. I learned to never be ashamed, never underestimate the power that hate has on people, and to never let anyone tell me that I could not land on my feet. Most importantly I learned how to love myself. And while King’s death was a blow to the community, he left this world loving who he was and standing up for his right to be him. He landed on his feet.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Life On Partying Like It's 1999
3 comments
The only form of exercise that I enjoy is dancing. I'm serious; I hate any type of physical activities, but give me some stretch pants and a Prince album, and it is so on. There's just something about good music that just flows through me and makes me feel like I'm in a different world. Feeling the bass of the song playing and realizing that it is in sync with the beat of my heart just sends me off the wall.
That is one of the reasons why I love going to gay clubs. The music there is always hip happening. Not the mention, the way these gay men dance sometimes would put the great Ne-yo to shame. At a gay club, every song seems to be my jam. It is rare thing for me to think, I'm going to sit this song out. Guess what? You can't!
Another reason I enjoy dancing with the gays as opposed to hanging with the breeders, is because there is none of that pretentious bullshit you find at a straight club. At straight clubs, people worry too much about impressing the opposite sex. They sit there and stare too much, dress too skanky, drink too little, dance too slow, try too hard, and end up going home alone and touching themselves.
Partying with the gays is a different story. You buy your own drinks, dress how you want, flirt with whomever, and usually never make it back home until the next day. With the gays, you meet many interesting folks. As a people, they tend to be friendly and welcoming. When I go out dancing, I make it my main priority to have a fun time, drinking and dancing; the late night blow jobs are usually a plus. Gays don't have to worry about trying to impress one another. Either you like me or you don't. If you don't, you move on and dance with the next available hottie of the night. You do this a couple of times, and then you finally meet the man of your dreams. Well, at least for that night. After you dance for the next 4 hours, you wrap up the night by going back to this nameless, faceless jock's apartment and you bump nasties. Done deal, you get up, leave your card, and go home; Never to embark in such adventures again, until next Saturday.
Now, I'm sure partying with straight people might have its perks too, but nothing as good as this. Horny, gay men are about a subtle as a gun. And people wonder why I love going to West Hollywood? Not only are the guys hot, the music is off the hook, the drinks are a bit heavy handed, and the bathrooms are always an adventure. So, let’s grab our purses, bring the lube, and start partying with the gays. Just don't be surprised to see this big girl on the dance floor, dancing with the flexibility of a thin person, with my hands in the air, singing "Mama say mama sa, mama cu sa! Mama say mama sa, mama cu sa! Mama say mama sa, mama cu sa!"
That is one of the reasons why I love going to gay clubs. The music there is always hip happening. Not the mention, the way these gay men dance sometimes would put the great Ne-yo to shame. At a gay club, every song seems to be my jam. It is rare thing for me to think, I'm going to sit this song out. Guess what? You can't!
Another reason I enjoy dancing with the gays as opposed to hanging with the breeders, is because there is none of that pretentious bullshit you find at a straight club. At straight clubs, people worry too much about impressing the opposite sex. They sit there and stare too much, dress too skanky, drink too little, dance too slow, try too hard, and end up going home alone and touching themselves.
Partying with the gays is a different story. You buy your own drinks, dress how you want, flirt with whomever, and usually never make it back home until the next day. With the gays, you meet many interesting folks. As a people, they tend to be friendly and welcoming. When I go out dancing, I make it my main priority to have a fun time, drinking and dancing; the late night blow jobs are usually a plus. Gays don't have to worry about trying to impress one another. Either you like me or you don't. If you don't, you move on and dance with the next available hottie of the night. You do this a couple of times, and then you finally meet the man of your dreams. Well, at least for that night. After you dance for the next 4 hours, you wrap up the night by going back to this nameless, faceless jock's apartment and you bump nasties. Done deal, you get up, leave your card, and go home; Never to embark in such adventures again, until next Saturday.
Now, I'm sure partying with straight people might have its perks too, but nothing as good as this. Horny, gay men are about a subtle as a gun. And people wonder why I love going to West Hollywood? Not only are the guys hot, the music is off the hook, the drinks are a bit heavy handed, and the bathrooms are always an adventure. So, let’s grab our purses, bring the lube, and start partying with the gays. Just don't be surprised to see this big girl on the dance floor, dancing with the flexibility of a thin person, with my hands in the air, singing "Mama say mama sa, mama cu sa! Mama say mama sa, mama cu sa! Mama say mama sa, mama cu sa!"
Friday, June 12, 2009
Life on the Bus
2 comments
Hey guys,
One thing that most of my friends don't seem to understand about me is that I actually enjoy taking the bus. They just don't get how I am able to get around so easily without a car. I think it's quite simple actually. Besides the occasional bus malfunction and break down, or sitting next to the smelly person, or sitting in front of the guy that is always yelling profanities, or sitting on something gooey that the kid before you didn't finish eating, or not getting a seat at all because the bus is that packed, or missing your stop because you fell asleep, or being late to work because the bus never showed up, it’s a very enjoyable experience.
I have been taking the bus since I was 11 years old, so I know my ins and outs on the art of busing it. Every single day I do my thing on that very enjoyable bus ride. I leave my house 15 minutes before the bus is schedule to arrive. I usually arrive about 5 minutes before take off, just the right amount of time for me to smoke a cigarette. Assuming the bus is on time; I get in, pay my $1.25, sit back, enjoy the ride, and prepare myself for the day's adventures.
On the bus, I listen to my iPod and read my book. I hate to say this, but driving doesn't really offer those types of accommodations. I mean, sure you can listen to music in the car, but you cant really close your eyes and pretend you're Posh Spice and really get into "Spice Up Your Life" without getting a ticket. When riding on the bus, my only worry is that crazy woman talking to herself that looks like she wants to kick you in the neck. I don't have to worry about incoming traffic, stupid drivers, stupid pedestrians, not to mention the care and maintenance of having a car. I think everyone should take the bus.
Like I said before, my best reading is always done on the bus. When school is in session, my best studying is done on the bus. I read my text books, novels, magazines, the graffiti on the bus, Lindze's twitters, the newspaper, and poems. I just have to be kind of selective in my reading materials; I can't seem to read anything sad. Like when Harry Potter's friend Mad Eye Moody died, I was balling like a baby, and before I knew it, I was the crazy person on the bus that everyone was blogging about!
Maybe one day I will tire of the bus and decide to get a car. I'm sure that will be a completely different experience for me. Maybe I'll even enjoy it more. Who knows? Can't knock it 'till you've tried it, I guess. For now I am quite content on taking that enjoyable ride, sans the crazy, smelly folks, on that big orange bus. Until next time my friends.
Love Always,
The Marlos
One thing that most of my friends don't seem to understand about me is that I actually enjoy taking the bus. They just don't get how I am able to get around so easily without a car. I think it's quite simple actually. Besides the occasional bus malfunction and break down, or sitting next to the smelly person, or sitting in front of the guy that is always yelling profanities, or sitting on something gooey that the kid before you didn't finish eating, or not getting a seat at all because the bus is that packed, or missing your stop because you fell asleep, or being late to work because the bus never showed up, it’s a very enjoyable experience.
I have been taking the bus since I was 11 years old, so I know my ins and outs on the art of busing it. Every single day I do my thing on that very enjoyable bus ride. I leave my house 15 minutes before the bus is schedule to arrive. I usually arrive about 5 minutes before take off, just the right amount of time for me to smoke a cigarette. Assuming the bus is on time; I get in, pay my $1.25, sit back, enjoy the ride, and prepare myself for the day's adventures.
On the bus, I listen to my iPod and read my book. I hate to say this, but driving doesn't really offer those types of accommodations. I mean, sure you can listen to music in the car, but you cant really close your eyes and pretend you're Posh Spice and really get into "Spice Up Your Life" without getting a ticket. When riding on the bus, my only worry is that crazy woman talking to herself that looks like she wants to kick you in the neck. I don't have to worry about incoming traffic, stupid drivers, stupid pedestrians, not to mention the care and maintenance of having a car. I think everyone should take the bus.
Like I said before, my best reading is always done on the bus. When school is in session, my best studying is done on the bus. I read my text books, novels, magazines, the graffiti on the bus, Lindze's twitters, the newspaper, and poems. I just have to be kind of selective in my reading materials; I can't seem to read anything sad. Like when Harry Potter's friend Mad Eye Moody died, I was balling like a baby, and before I knew it, I was the crazy person on the bus that everyone was blogging about!
Maybe one day I will tire of the bus and decide to get a car. I'm sure that will be a completely different experience for me. Maybe I'll even enjoy it more. Who knows? Can't knock it 'till you've tried it, I guess. For now I am quite content on taking that enjoyable ride, sans the crazy, smelly folks, on that big orange bus. Until next time my friends.
Love Always,
The Marlos
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Life on being a homosexual.
3 comments
Hey guys,
Want to hear something funny?
I am always one to fight homophobia. I think that it is ridiculous to hate someone like me for something that I cannot control. If I could change the way that I feel, I would, because believe me, life would just be a lot easier. People don't seem to understand that I did not wake up one day and decide, "Hmmm, I think I'm going to be gay today." It doesn't work that way!
My homosexual feelings are something that I had to hide for many years. It was horrible living a life that I knew was a lie, to a point where I felt that not living at all was a better option. You have no idea what a relief it was to actually take that one step out of the closet and declare to the world that I was different from them. Many people have hated me, many people still hate me, many people fear me, I have lost many friends because of it, and I have had my own family members turn their backs on me. Still, I feel that my losses have also been my strengthening. Many of my gay brothers and sisters have lost so much more because of it, including their lives. My heart, my thoughts, my mission, my life goes out to those people.
I once had a friend who told me something that at the time I did not understand: "There are two types of straight people out there. The ones that hate you to your face, and the ones that hate you to your back". Now, more than ever, I am starting to notice that this friend was on to something. Today is the day that my brothers and sisters all over the world are fighting for equality. Today is the day we have elected a president who, above any other president in our Nation's history, has suffered discrimination for something that he has no control over. I am fighting for my people's rights today. I am fighting for equality. I have noticed my friends' silence when the issue of gay marriage comes up. I have notice the silence when I asked many of my friends to participate in L.A. pride with me. I have noticed the silence when I am in need of comforting because a stranger in the street looks at me weird, followed by glares and whispers. I have noticed the silence when I am celebrating the 6th state that has allowed my people to pursue their happiness. I have noticed, readers, and I declare myself disappointed.
This message goes out to the people that see me as someone who is nothing but entertaining. People who have befriended me, believing that every girl in L.A. has to have a gay sidekick. To the friend that needs a shopping partner, advice on men, help with love, this message is for you!
I am disappointed in the fact that people who I have vacationed with, shared my heart with, slept in the same room with, and prayed with, will so easily turn around and vote yes on Prop. 8. Be warned, old friends, that the time is right for me to step away from the hate, and surround myself with people who think and love like me. We will unite, and we will conquer. We will walk, protest, march, and fight for our rights. I just pray, that those same people that will hate us, whether it be to our face or not, don't ever have to feel the hate of strangers who will never give you the opportunity to share your story.
I am on a mission to empower myself. I will never be silent. I will never stop fighting. As I sit here writing this, I wonder which one of my friends will fight with me. Continue with the hate friends. It only makes my mission all that more real and all that more motivating.
Always, in the true power of love,
Carlos Martinez
Want to hear something funny?
I am always one to fight homophobia. I think that it is ridiculous to hate someone like me for something that I cannot control. If I could change the way that I feel, I would, because believe me, life would just be a lot easier. People don't seem to understand that I did not wake up one day and decide, "Hmmm, I think I'm going to be gay today." It doesn't work that way!
My homosexual feelings are something that I had to hide for many years. It was horrible living a life that I knew was a lie, to a point where I felt that not living at all was a better option. You have no idea what a relief it was to actually take that one step out of the closet and declare to the world that I was different from them. Many people have hated me, many people still hate me, many people fear me, I have lost many friends because of it, and I have had my own family members turn their backs on me. Still, I feel that my losses have also been my strengthening. Many of my gay brothers and sisters have lost so much more because of it, including their lives. My heart, my thoughts, my mission, my life goes out to those people.
I once had a friend who told me something that at the time I did not understand: "There are two types of straight people out there. The ones that hate you to your face, and the ones that hate you to your back". Now, more than ever, I am starting to notice that this friend was on to something. Today is the day that my brothers and sisters all over the world are fighting for equality. Today is the day we have elected a president who, above any other president in our Nation's history, has suffered discrimination for something that he has no control over. I am fighting for my people's rights today. I am fighting for equality. I have noticed my friends' silence when the issue of gay marriage comes up. I have notice the silence when I asked many of my friends to participate in L.A. pride with me. I have noticed the silence when I am in need of comforting because a stranger in the street looks at me weird, followed by glares and whispers. I have noticed the silence when I am celebrating the 6th state that has allowed my people to pursue their happiness. I have noticed, readers, and I declare myself disappointed.
This message goes out to the people that see me as someone who is nothing but entertaining. People who have befriended me, believing that every girl in L.A. has to have a gay sidekick. To the friend that needs a shopping partner, advice on men, help with love, this message is for you!
I am disappointed in the fact that people who I have vacationed with, shared my heart with, slept in the same room with, and prayed with, will so easily turn around and vote yes on Prop. 8. Be warned, old friends, that the time is right for me to step away from the hate, and surround myself with people who think and love like me. We will unite, and we will conquer. We will walk, protest, march, and fight for our rights. I just pray, that those same people that will hate us, whether it be to our face or not, don't ever have to feel the hate of strangers who will never give you the opportunity to share your story.
I am on a mission to empower myself. I will never be silent. I will never stop fighting. As I sit here writing this, I wonder which one of my friends will fight with me. Continue with the hate friends. It only makes my mission all that more real and all that more motivating.
Always, in the true power of love,
Carlos Martinez
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Life on a lunch budget
5 comments
Last night, I decided to have dinner at Del Taco just because I figured it would be on the inexpensive side. How wrong was I? I ordered the number 8, which is a quesadilla and 2 tacos, and in turn the cheapest meal on their menu. The nice lady that was taking my order was such a tricky little bitch; she asked "Medium or Macho size?" I said "Hmmm, medium". She then asks "would you like regular tacos or classic tacos?” Me, being oblivious to the difference in the two responded with a "classic tacos, please." I even gave her a nice little smile. She then asked "Would you like your quesadilla with chicken or steak?" Wow!, I thought. I didn't even know it came with meat! So I said "Steak". When she gave me my total, I was shocked! My 4 dollar meal had turned into a 9 dollar meal! So, this bitch made it seem like my meal came with options, but she failed to inform me that even with a medium I was paying more. The meal was neither medium nor macho, it was small. So, in order for me to get the priced meal, I had to have said small. If I wanted classic tacos, they where 2 dollars more. If I wanted meat on the quesadilla, it was a dollar more! I was at a loss for words. How can they trick me into paying 5 dollars more?!? I had to bite my tongue and give her my credit card. There was like 4 people behind me, and I was not about to take my order back! How embarrassing! So, as I walked to my bus stop with my overly priced dinner, I thought: Fuck, I might as well have gone to the Olive Garden.
This morning, as I was checking my bank statement online, I was not surprised to see that I was at a negative 2 dollars. Luckily, I have great friends at work that are lending me money for lunch today, and luckily, we get paid tomorrow.
I must admit though, I am a little upset with myself. I don't understand how I spend so much money. I am going to be 23 next month, and I have no savings to speak of. Thankfully, I am working harder on this side of the year and got myself a weekend job. I plan to put all the money from this job into my savings. And I am also going to stop impulse shopping. It's just that I live right next to a Target, and I cannot seem to walk out of there with at least $50 worth of crap. I just don't know what's wrong with me?
This morning, as I was checking my bank statement online, I was not surprised to see that I was at a negative 2 dollars. Luckily, I have great friends at work that are lending me money for lunch today, and luckily, we get paid tomorrow.
I must admit though, I am a little upset with myself. I don't understand how I spend so much money. I am going to be 23 next month, and I have no savings to speak of. Thankfully, I am working harder on this side of the year and got myself a weekend job. I plan to put all the money from this job into my savings. And I am also going to stop impulse shopping. It's just that I live right next to a Target, and I cannot seem to walk out of there with at least $50 worth of crap. I just don't know what's wrong with me?
Monday, June 8, 2009
Tis the 1st
4 comments
Hey Guys, So, this is my first time using this site to blog and I'm way exited! If I bore you, please bear with me ok. =)
I am inspired to write about things that are going on in my head at the moment. Lately, more than ever, I have had this desire to change my life around. I am not entirely happy with the person I have become. By my age, I had planned on accomplishing so much more than what my life currently consist of. I had pictured my self with a degree, with my own apartment, with a car, experienced in the world of traveling, healthier, and just happier. As of now, I am degreeless, carless; I share an apartment with my brother and dad, overweight, unhealthy, smoker, a little lazy, and a tad bit bitter.
These blogs are not going to be about my lame life, but about the journey in becoming the person I want to be. I have set myself goals this half of the year, and I intend on seeing this through. I know that I am capable of achieving so much more for myself, and at this point, it's just about staying focused.
So, welcome to my life! I hope my blogs are entertaining, but above all else, I hope that I can inspire myself as well as others with my journey. Love Always!
You make the world a better place, by making yourself a better person - Scott Sorrell
I am inspired to write about things that are going on in my head at the moment. Lately, more than ever, I have had this desire to change my life around. I am not entirely happy with the person I have become. By my age, I had planned on accomplishing so much more than what my life currently consist of. I had pictured my self with a degree, with my own apartment, with a car, experienced in the world of traveling, healthier, and just happier. As of now, I am degreeless, carless; I share an apartment with my brother and dad, overweight, unhealthy, smoker, a little lazy, and a tad bit bitter.
These blogs are not going to be about my lame life, but about the journey in becoming the person I want to be. I have set myself goals this half of the year, and I intend on seeing this through. I know that I am capable of achieving so much more for myself, and at this point, it's just about staying focused.
So, welcome to my life! I hope my blogs are entertaining, but above all else, I hope that I can inspire myself as well as others with my journey. Love Always!
You make the world a better place, by making yourself a better person - Scott Sorrell
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